Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire In 20 Minutes
by Rebel-Punk-Without-A-Cause
Summary: A parody by extremely obsessive fans. The original was deleted and revised so this is the end result. Enjoy! More to come!
1. Chapter 1

**Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire In 20 Minutes: A Parody By _Extremely _Obsessive Fans**

**_Some freaky old house in the middle of friggin nowhere_**:

Old Guy: -makes tea-

Light in House: -goes on-

Old Guy: "WTF!" -goes to investigate-

Old House: "Long time no see!"

Old Guy: "Oh shutup!"

Whispering on Upper Level: -is heard-

Snake that may or may not be poisonous: -slithers-

Old Guy: "ZOMG I MUST INVESTIGATE DESPITE THE FACT THAT THERE'S A FREAKY MAN

IN AN ARMCHAIR THAT TALKS LIKE A FREAK, A WEIRDO THAT KEEPS LICKING HIS

LIPS IN A VERY WEIRD FASHION, A WEIRD TWITCHY LITTLE GIT AND A

GIGANTIC SNAKE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE POISONOUS!"

Snake That May Or May Not Be Poisonous: -hissy hissy hiss hiss hiss-

Freaky Man In Armchair That Talks Like a Freak: -hisses back-

Old Guy: "WTF!"

Freaky Lip-licking Guy: "Master!"

Freaky Man In Armchair That Talks Like A Freak: "Let him in Wormtail"

Twitchy Little Git (who apparently is named Wormtail): -opens door-

Door: "DONT GO DONT GO!"

Old Guy: -ignores-

Wierd-baby-voldy-thing: "KILL HIM MY MINIONS!"

Minions: -kill old guy-

Carcass: -falls-

Door: "Told ya so"

A Teakettle: -shrills-

**_Freakishly Small Bedroom Somewhere Else In England_**:

A Boy Who Lived: -wakes up- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! My bloody scar hurts!"

Owl: -fluffs feathers- "Could you writhe in agony any QUIETER?"

Audience: "HEDWIG! YAY!" -claps-

Hermione: "Harry? WTF!"

Harry: "I have to be a big brave stupid little boy now! I FEEL NOTHING! _Don't you admire my bravery-that-borders-on-stupidity?"_

Hermione: "Erm yeah sure let's go with that. WAKE UP RONALD even though I never call you that

in the book!"

Audience Who Never Read The Book: "Erm…WTF?"

Obsessive Audience Members: "THEY CHANGED THE BOOK! AAAAAAAH!"

LOTR Fans: "Where have you been?"

Ron: -mumble mumble- "Whats goin on? huh?"

  
Harry: -pounces on Ron- "HI!"

Ron: "Erm…WTF!"

Hermione: -facepalm- "I'm going to be...downstairs...y'all..."runs away screaming

Stairs: "OW! THAT WOULD BE MY FACE!"

Hermione: -Stomps harder just for spite-

Stairs: "Why do I even bother?"

_**Forest, Once Again, MIDDLE OF FRIGGIN NOWHERE!**_

Everyone: -Is walking through the woods sleepily-

Cedric Digory: -jumps from a tree- "HIYA!"

Everyone: "AAAAAAAAAH!"

Fred & George: "WTF!"

Mr. Weasely: "AH Yes. My pompous friend from work." -extends hand-

Hands: -shake-

Girls: -look at Cedric approvingly and giggle-

Harry: "That really is infuriating, you know that right?"

Ron: -whines- "I'm standing right here!"

Boys Collectively: "Hmph!" -mumble- "Beat us at Quidditch he did…" -grumble grumble-

Hermione/Ron, Hermione/Harry, and Harry/Ginny Shippers: "GOSH y'all should be giggling about

Harry/Ron not Cedric!"

Random Leprechaun: -whizzes by them- "WHEEEE!"

Mr. Weasely: "Oh look! An old boot! Let's stand around and touch it! YAY"

Everyone: "Um ooooo-kaaayyy…"

A Dirty Shoe: -is a Portkey-

Everyone: -grabs on- -Is transported to the Quidditch world cup-

_**Middle of Some Demented Field Filled With Wizards and A Slightly Deranged Muggle**_

Digory's and Weasley's + Hermione + Harry: -part ways-

Weasley's + Hermione + Harry: -look at tent-

A Tent: -is unreasonably small-

Younger Weasley's + Hermione + Harry: "uhh..."

Mr. Weasley: "EVERYBODY IN!"

Inside of tent: -is unreasonably large-

Harry: " I think its time for me to say some line that is meant to be charmingly funny!"

Teakettle: -boils-

Everyone: -leaves tent-

Teakettle: -still boils- "Oh shit…."

_**A Gargantuan Stadium In The Middle of a Forest That NOBODY Happens To Notice**_

Everyone: -climbs-

Ron, Hermione, & Harry: -buys useless crap along the way-

Weasleys:: -see Mr. Malfoy and Draco-

Mr. Malfoy & Draco: -mutter mutter- "Filthy vermin!"-mutter-

Ron & Harry: -secretly flip the bird in Malfoys' general direction-

Hermione & Ginny: -giggle giggle-

Everyone: -FINALLY reaches seats-

Random Leprechaun: -flies over their heads in a drunken stupor- "WOOT!"

Irish Team: -zooms-

Leprechaun: -does a spiffy Irish dance-

Irish Dancers in Audience: -are offended-

Other Audience Members: "WTF!"

Bulgarian Team : -zooms-

Women & Ron: -gaze soppily at Krum-

Veela: -aren't there-

HP fans who have read the books: "WTF?"

Game: -begins-

_**Back in the Ridiculously-Small-Looking-But-Actually-Not-So-Small-Tent**_

EVERYONE: -is back in tent-

Audience members: "Say who now that was the whole game?"

Writers: "Oh SHUTUP!"

Everyone: -is asleep-

Irish Supporters: -having a friggin partaaay!-

Random Leprechaun: -zooms & falls out of sky with an oh so pleasant THUD-

Irish Supporters: -pass out-

Death Eaters Who Look Scarily Like The KKK In Black: -storm the campsite-

Everyone: -looks around wondering WTF is happening- -screams bloody murder- -runs in circles-

Death Eaters: "Hey this is fun!" -zap-

Tent: -explodes- "IM ON FIRE! AAAAAH!"

Everyone: "WTF!"

Teakettle: "STILL BOILING IN HERE!"

Ron: -collapses & twitches- "INANIMATE OBJECTS ARE TALKING! AGAIN!"

Everyone, Except For Harry Who Is Being Too Brave/Stupid to Move: -runs away-

Harry: -sees figures advancing through the darkness in a VERY freaky way yet does NOTHING to

save himself…as usual-

Death Eaters: -poke poke- "LMAO foolish kid" -for reasons unbeknownst to us do NOT take this

wondrous opportunity to kill The Boy Who Lived once and for all-

Freaky Tongued Twitchy Little Git: -conjures odd and slightly disturbing smoke ring-

Dark Mark: -appears- "BOO!"

Harry: "Who are you!"

Freaky Tongued Twitchy Little Git: ….

Harry: "Am I not allowed to ask questions?"

Freaky Tongued Twitchy Little Git: "Do you want to expose the whole movie within the first twenty

minutes?"

Harry: -shakes head-

Freaky Tongued Twitchy Little Git: "Ok then." -vanishes-

Hermione & Ron: -come back in just enough time to be completely useless-

Important Dude In A Bowler Hat: "I KEEEL YOU!"

Hermione and Ron: "AHHH! NOOO! Don't keel our brave, stupid friend! HE DID IT!" -point-.

Important Dude In A Bowler Hat: "Er…who again?" -zap-

Mr. Weasley: "WTF! That's my son!"

Hermione: -cough-

Harry: -cough cough-

Mr. Weasley: "AND his misfit friends!"

0Important Dude in a Bowler Hat: "Oh okay then. But then WTF are they doing here?" -whines- " I

really want to zap someone!"

Circle of Witches and Wizards That Magically Appear: "TOUGH!"

Important Dude In A Bowler hat: "_Fiiinnneee..._what ARE you doing here?"

Ron: "Well, you see, we wanted to watch the game, so..."

Important Dude In A Bowler Hat: "I mean what are you doing in this spot RIGHT NOW you imbecile! God

top of your class aren't you?"

Ron: -is confused- -whimpers-

Circle of Witches & Wizards: "It wasn't them. I mean OBVIOUSLY. Moving on."

Boys: "Didnt do WHAT!"

Assembled Witches & Wizards: "Well…he was right…not so bright eh?"

Hermione: "By the way…that's the Dark Mark."

Boys:…?

Important Dude In A Bowler Hat: "THAT!" -points at odd looking smoke ring-

Ron: "I see an odd looking smoke ring."

Important Dude In A Bowler Hat: -turns to Mr. Weasley- "May I?"

Mr. Weasley: -hesitates- -nods-

Important Dude In A Bowler Hat: -smacks Ron-

Ron: -is confused-

Hermione: -rolls eyes- "It's the Dark Mark you bumbling imbeciles. You-Know-Who's mark."

Boys: -mutter collective OOOH!-

Mr. Weasley: "Ok. So we know it wasnt THEM."

Important Dude In A Bowler Hat: "Damn." -walks away- -trips over something invisible- -mutters- "Oh

shit…"

Invisible Thing: "MMFFF! MFMMFFF!"

Circle of Witches and Wizards: "WTF is that!"

Important Dude In A Bowler Hat: "EEK! My house elf!" -twitches- -faints-

One of the Witches in the Circle of Witches and Wizards: "I thought...in the movie...he didn't have...a house

elf...?"

LOTR Fans: "Get used to it!"

Everyone Else: -shrugs- -walks away-

_**Hogwarts Great Hall**_

Dumbledore: "So…who enjoyed their summer? Quite eventful, eh?"

Nobody: -raises hand-

Dumbledore: "Well if you're gonna be like that about it...anyway, Triwizard Tourney this year. Have

a ball, seventh years."

Underclassmen: -mutter-

Snape: -glares indifferently at various tables-

Goblet of Pumpkin Juice: -freezes-

Ron: -pokes with fork- "WTF!"

Hermione: "_Infernorous"_

Juice: -melts-

Ron: -sulks for the rest of the meal-

Juice: -freezes again-

Madeye Moody: -enters-

Ron: "I guess it just gets cold when he...comes...here?"

Hermone and Harry: -facepalm-

Dumbledore: "And this is your knew Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. He is in no way eccentric."

Snape: -glare-

Fred: -is frozen-

George: "Yeah right. And Dumbledore is just as sane as Mum." -unfreezes Fred-

Other Weasleys: -snicker-

Dumbledore: "Oh. Right. You have until Halloween to put your names into the weird burning wine

thingy. Eternal glory follows the one who…blah de blah de blah…nobody's listening

anyway…good night!" -curls up and falls asleep in big chair-

Everyone: -files slowly out of Great Hall-

Dumbledore: -wakes up- -shreiks- "Oh, by the way, ungrateful people, DEATH TOLL DEATH

TOLL DEATH TOLL!"

Everyone: -stares- -continues to walk away at a slightly elevated pace-

_**Arrival of Other Schools**_

Random Midget: "OY! A flying house!"

Malfoy: -kick-

Random Midget #2: "A SUBMARINE!" -points at lake-

Students From Wizarding Families: "Hunh?"

Harry: "Where are the Random Midgets coming from?"

Ron and Hermione: -shrug-

Beauxbatons girls: -do all sorts of nifty ballet-things while utterly seducing all the Hogwarts boys-

Hermione: "But when I read about them they had BOYS too!"

Harry and Ron: -are too busy watching Beauxbatons-girls-butts to listen-

Hermione: "Typical…"

Durmstrang Boys: -bang sticks on ground & breathe fire-

Hogwarts Girls: -totally entranced-

Harry & Ron: "Where'd the girls go?"

Hermione: -drool-

Krum: -enters-

Ron: -drool-

Hermione: "Oh for God sake he's not that…oh…nevermind." -drools more-

Ron: -faints and falls to floor-

Krum: -steps over-

Dumbledore: "Right. Well then. Somebody help Mr. Weasley, and then…TUCK IN!"

Everybody: -eats and totally forgets about Ron-

Ron: -wakes up later alone in a dark Great Hall- "WTF!"

_**Madeye Moody's Classroom twitch twitch**_

Moody: -hobbles in- "Welcome to Defense Against the Dark Arts." -snarl-

Neville: -squeal-

Moody: "Right. 3 Unforgivable Curses. TELL ME WHAT THEY ARE SO I CAN PERFORM THEM

ON THIS HELPLESS SPIDER!"

Hermione: -raises hand-

Moody: "Yes?"

Hermione: "I love to learn. I'd just like to say that I love Defense Against the Dark Arts and I think-"

Moody: "Unforgivable Curses you blubbering NITWIT!"

Hermione: "Well then. Just a minute let me act good and timid." -prepares to act timid-

Well there's uh erm...OH DANGIT GO TO LIKE RON OR SOMETHING!"

Ron: -raises hand for once in his life-

Moody: -nods-

Ron: "Infer-"

Hermione: -interrupts- -whispers- " ImPERious!"

Ron: "Right. Imperious Curse."

Moody: -nod nod- "FINALLY! I can screw with an innocent creature!"

Class: …? "WTF!"

Moody: -ignores- -grabs spider "IMPERIO!"

Spider: "La Di DA!" -flips- -spins- -casually attacks Ron-

Ron: -squeals- -falls backwards off of seat-

Spider: "Hey handsome!"

Ron: -blanches- -faints-

Spider: -jumps on Ron-

Ron: -screams like a little girl-

Moody: -rolls eyes-

Spider: -jumps on Malfoy's head-

Everyone: LMAO

Malfoy: -cries for Daddy-

Moody: "That's enough." -grabs spider-

Spider: "Man! I was just starting to have fun!" -is put in jar-

Moody: "Didn't everyone have fun playing with the nice spider?"

Class: ...

Ron: "I think I soiled myself…"

Moody: "You people are really lame, you know that? Let's try another."

Moody: "Now, some other unlucky student. Come on now we don't have all day!"

Neville: "Uh erm uh...er I think I um ah I donno but er ah I might uh have, like...um, i donno, an idea...?"

Moody: "Well get on with it then!"

Neville: -mutters- "Cruciatus Curse."

Moody: "Ah yes. You would know that one. And being the cruel and seemingly unfeeling person I am,

I shall again perform it before your very eyes!"

Neville: -gulp-

Hermione: -whispers- "Meanie!"

Ron & Draco: "Tell me about it!" -turn and glare at eachother-

Draco: "I mean, um, FILTHY MUDBLOOD."

Hermione: tear-

Moody: -grabs yet another helpless spider-

Yet Another Helpless Spider: "Damn…"

Obsessive Audience Member #34: "Wait in the movie, wasn't it just one spider?"

Writers:…-bludgeon-

Moody: "Crucio!"

Spider: -twitches-

Neville: "I don't like this."

Spider: -writhes in pain-

Neville: "I don't like this at all." -is pale-

Spider: "Owowowowowowow..."

Neville: -looks about to be sick-

Hermione: "STOP IT YOU CREEP!"

Moody: "If I MUST…"

Spell: -is stopped-

Moody: "Now, Miss Granger, for being an Impertinent Goody Two Shoes, you must tell me the last one! Which is by far the WORST! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

Hermione: -gulp- -whispers- "Avada Kedavra"

Moody: "Eh…what?"

Hermione: -screams- "AVADA KEDAVRA!" -goes into hysterics-

Hermione's Wand: "BANG!" -green fizzle-

Malfoy: -gets nosebleed- "IB DYBING!"

Harry & Ron: -collapse in silent giggles-

Moody: -points wand at Malfoy-

Wand: -poof-

Malfoy's Nosebleed: -stops-

Moody: "Right you are. Impressive spellwork, Miss G. A few more years and you'll be right up there with

the deatheaters!"

Hermione: -beams- -thinks- "Hey waiiittt..."

Moody: "Moving on!"

Class: "…WTF!"

Moody: "Yes well. And Harry's the only one who's survived it."

Harry: -feels singled out-

Moody: "So you're all doomed. Have a party! Class dismissed! BTW, CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"

Class: -files quickly out in a desperate attempt to escape the madman-

Moody: -squawks at them CONSTANT VIGILANCE! Repeatedly as they run in fear-

_**Great Hall Which Conveniently Enough Is Filled With Students**_

Fred & George: "MuahahahaHA! We are going to enter the Tourney!"

Hermione, Ron, & Harry: "Hunh?"

Fred: "We"

George: "Just"

Both: "Took"

Fred: "An"

George: "Aging"

Both: "POTION! HUZZAHNESS!"

Hermione: "As it seems to be my duty to ruin the fun, I must discourage you fr-"

Twins: "It's official. She's against it so we're all for it!"

Assembled Students: "HOORAY!"

Hermione: -sulk-

Assembled students: "Don't you like how we act just like a Typical High-School-ish group of Teenagers?"

Hermione: -sulks more-

Krum: -wanders by, completely uninterested-

Hermione: -drool-

Pack of Girls: -stalk-

Obsessive Audience Member #56: "But…that…didnt…happ-"

Writers: "Oh SHUTUP will you!" -kick-

Ron: -drools for a bit, then sees Hermione- "Hey! Why're you looking at him?" -pouts-

Ron/Hermione shippers: "Yay!"

Fred & George: -jump across figgy circley thingy-

Nothing: -happens-

Fred and George: "YAY!"

Assembled Students: "Time to act like Typical Teenaged Students! HURRAY!" -cheer-

Foggy Circley Thingy: -hesitates- "Too Young!"

Fred & George: -are catapulted out of cicley thingy- -hit opposite wall with an oh so pleasant THUD-

Circley Thingy: "Hehe…"

Fred & George: -turn into very very old men- -fight like sixteen-year-old boys-

Dumbledore: "A cornucopia of love!" -hug-

Half of Students: -laugh-

Fred & George: -squirm-

Other Half of Students: -back away slowly- -mutter- "Pedifile…"

Hermione: "Well, to Fred and George: I TOLD YOU SO HAHAHAHAHA! And now...just...yeah I'm

outtie." -runs-

Harry: "Well then…"

_**Great Hall on Halloween: Choosing of Champions**_

Dumbledore: "Like I said before, whomever this flaming goblet of horror chooses, is eternally bound to the

competition. Weasley! No weaseling out."

Ron: "But..Im not even…in..it…" -pouts-

Dumbledore: "Anyhoo, the winner will be bestowed with eternal glory. And not to mention, this REALLY

SHINY TROPHY!" -cough- "Plot point! Now, I shall draw THREE" -cough- "Foreshadowing" -cough- "Names from this wondrous cup!"

Student Body: -nods- -is excited-

Ron: -is completely distracted by shiny trophy-

Goblet: "BELCH!"

First Name: -is like, appeared-

Dumbledore: "And first, from the Beauxbatons-girls, even though they really do have boys, but, you know,

whatever: That girl with the PRETTY FLOWERY name!"

Girl with the pretty flowery name: -smiles prettily-

Ron: -looks at photo of Krum- "I am truly sorry…" -rips- -stares at Fleur-

Krum and Fleur: -groan-

Goblet: "BELCH! Sorry…heartburn ya know?"

Second Name: "I'm here! I'm here!"

Dumbledore: "From Durmstrang, the world-famous and totally manly Viktor Krum!"

Girls & Ron: -giggle-

Ron & Hermione: -swoon-

Goblet: "BELCH! Excuse me…heh…"

Third Name: "Peace. I have arrived."

Dumbledore: "YO. And from Hogwarts, the schmexy pretty boy: Cedric Digory!"

Hufflepuff: "HUZZAH!"

Rest of Houses: "But Hufflepuffs are supposed to be the leftovers. WTF? Boo you wusses!"

Dumbledore: "Forizzle. Now that's like, all the time we got so peace out!"

Everyone:.."Oh-kay then…"

Goblet: -belch- "Pardon me, but um...there ya go."

Dumbledore: "WTF!"

Fourth Name: -squeaks- "Present!"

Dumbledore: "Say WHA!"

Fourth Name: "Im here so READ ME YOU TWIT!"

Dumbledore: "Harry Potter, getcho lil wizard a-"

McGonagall: "_Sir."_

Dumbledore: "Oh right. Not in front of the students. HARRY! Harry Potter!"

Harry: "Oh shite…this is the point where the entire school turns against me..inevitable…it never gets old

does it?"

Hermione: -shove-

Ron: -shakes head in disbelief- -goes horribly and seemingly irreversibly emo-

Harry: -walks slowly- -DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA-

Dumbledore: -stares all traces of friendship completely gone-

Harry: "…WTF!" -walks through door-

Other 3 champions: -stare in a seriously hostile manner-

Harry: "Erm…what's…crackin?"

Other Champions: "No."

Harry: -shrug- -sits down on box-

Dumbledore: -runs through door- -shakes Harry-

People who've read the books: "WTF that's so not Dumbledore!"

Writers: "Totally."

Hedwig: -nods-

Audience: "WTF! Where'd she come from?"

Writers: "It's called comic relief. Chill."

Dumbledore: "DID YOU DO IT?"

Others & Snape: "OF COURSE HE DID!"

Obsessive Audience Member #82: "But…Snape was on his side…"

Writers: "ShutUP! SHUTUP I SAY!" -bashes over head with Fourth Book-

Harry: -shakes head- -eyes roll back in head-

Brain Damage: -occurs-

Dumbledore: "Ok then. Case closed."

Snape, Other Headmasters/Headmistress, & Champions: "BUT-"

Dumbledore: "Dont make me open a can of whoop ass!"

Others: -are silenced-

_**A Room That We Didn't Know Of Previously That Houses A Pensieve-Plot-Point Where Dumbledore, McGonagall, And Snape Are**_

McGonagall: "What on earth were you thinking, allowing him to compete?"

Dumbledore: "Hunh?" -leans over Penseive-

Snape: "Potter should be expelled."

McGonagall: "Dont be ridiculous. But Dumbledore, you really should find a way to remedy this."

Snape: "EX-"

Dumbledore: -mutters something-

Snape: "-PELL"

McGonagall: "What Albus?"

Dumbledore: "Well I suppose 'Take two aspirin and call me in the morning' won't work?"

McGonagall: "Uh no…wait..what's an aspirin?"

Snape: "HIM!"

McGonagall & Dumbledore: "SHUTUP! WE'RE TRYING TO THINK!"

_**Weighing of the Wands**_

Harry: -walks into a random room with an annoying midget following him-

Fleur: -hair flip-

Cedric: -watches Fleur-

Krum: -leans against the wall looking completely bored-

Rita Skeeter: "HARRY!" -attacks-

Harry: "MEEP!" -resists- "But I don't wanna go! NOOOO!"

Rita Skeeter: -drags him into a broom cupboard- "Oooh…cozy. This will do fine."

Harry: Help! RAPE! AAAAAAAAAAH! -is pushed onto a box-

Dumbledore ((from outside the cupboard)): "That cupboard sounds fun…let me in!"

Rita: -ignores- -takes out weird quill that twists and or distorts everything someone says all in the name of

journalism-

Harry: "Er..what's that?"

Rita: "Just ignore it. Now. Let's delve into your deepset darkest secrets. Shall we?"

Harry: "Er no…?"

Quill: "Tears begin to form in those startlingly green eyes as the conversation takes a turn towards his

parents."

Harry: "I don't have tears in my eyes."

Rita: -pause- -kicks him where the sun doesn't shine- "Alright then. Now how do you think your parents

if they were alive of course would feel about you competing?"

Harry: -is doubled over in pain- -through gritted teeth- "Thoroughly pissed off!"

Rita: "Oh no dear boy I was referring to your PARENTS. Not you."

Harry: -falls off box, whimpering-

Dumbledore: -opens door-

Harry: -had been leaning against door- -spills out of closet-

Dumbledore: "Time to weigh your wand Harry. Oh and you, Rita, you are never allowed on Hogwarts

grounds again. Good day!

Rita: ….

Wand Weigher: "Alright. Let's get this over with…"

Fleur: -steps forward- -gives wand weigher her wand-

Wand Weigher: "Yes yes very nice…wooden with a dead lady's hair. Nice."

Fleur: "Hmph. Zat vas ze 'air of my granmuzzer. She vas eh veela."

Wand Weigher: -waves wand- -turns Fleur into a flower and back again- -laughs- -gives wand back-

"NEXT!"

Krum: -steps forward- -gives wand-

Wand Weigher: "My my. Quite a large stick there m'boy."

Krum: -shrugs-

Wand Weigher: "Dragon heart string...interesting." -waves wand- -Rita's hat catches on fire- -gives wand

back- "NEXT!"

Rita: -dances in circles attempting to put out fire, completely forgetting to use magic-

Cedric: -steps forward- -gives wand-

Wand Weigher: "Ah yes. One of mine. You polish it I see."

Cedric: -is proud-

Wand Weigher: "You really have no life, do you?" -waves wand- -gives Cedric a life-

Cedric: "WTF!"

Wand Weigher: -gives Cedric's wand back-

Harry: -steps forward- -gives wand-

Wand Weigher: -very mysterious- "I remember this one well. Voldemort's wand is it's twin."

Rita: -is too busy trying to put out the fire to notice-

Harry: -facepalm-

Wand Weigher: -wave wave-

Wand: -conjures water & puts out fire on Rita's head- -is given back-

Wand Weigher : "All is in order. Let the games begin!"

Dumbledore: -clears throat- "The actual competition isnt for a few weeks my friend."

Wand Weigher: "Oh. Well in that case, may I have some brandy?"

Dumbledore: -pause- "But of course!"

_**BIG. CREEPY. FOREST.**_

Hagrid: "Got tha cloak o yours?"

Harry: "NAW! I'm just invisible for the sake of being invisible."

Hagrid: "OK then."

Madame Maxime: -is also there-

Harry: -thinks- "Oh. MY. GOD. You're KIDDING!"

Hagrid & Maxime: -are all lovey-dovey-

Harry: "BLECH!"

Group: -walks into darkest part of forest-

Hagrid: "Oh by he way, LOOKIE! DRAGONS!"

Harry: "Oh shite!"

Maxime: "Vat vos zat exactly?"

Hagrid: -drools over dragons- "Vat? Sorry…What?"

Harry: -runs away-

Maxime: -shrug-

Harry: -crashes into freaky stalker dude with bad mustache-

Bad Mustache Man: "WHOZERE?"

Harry: -gasp- -die- "Im SO screwed…"

Bad Mustache Man ((Who Happens to be Karakoff)): "PLOT-POINTED-NESS!"

Harry: -runs faster-

_**Gryffindor Common Room**_

Harry: "Tum de dum…I'm not sitting here by a dying fire in the early hours of the morning all alone..nope

definitely not."

Dying Fire: "I'M NOT DEAD YET!" (yays for Monty Python)

Harry: -shrug-

Dying Fire: "Why I oughtta-Oh….someone's here for you."

Harry: "WHA-?"

Sirius' Head: "Hiya Harry!" -appears in fire-

Harry: -falls out of chair- -gasps- "Hi."

Sirius: "Get your wimpy arse off the ground boy! This is serious!" ((Haha bad pun))

Harry: -gets wimpy arse off the floor because this is serious- "Er yeah...um...oh, by the way Sirius,

I've gotta get past a dragon for the first task. Nothin' sirius or anything - HAHA SIRIUS! Anyway

moving on."

Sirius: "Quit it already with the bad puns on my name! Tell me more about these dragons!"

Harry: -whiney- "Fi-ine. Anyway...HEY! Me tell you? YOU'RE supposed to be helping ME! Aren't you the

adult here?"

Sirius: ...

Harry: "Right. They're four of them. A…er….Hungarian Wormtongue, a Swedish Somethingorother, a Chinese Fart Bomb, and a ….a….um…?"

Obsessed Audience Member & Book Reader #69: "BUT-!"

Sirius: -facepalm- "That would be Hungarian Horntail, Swedish Short-snout, Chinese Fireball, and a Welsh

Green you imbecile. Has Hagrid taught you nothing?"

Harry:…

Sirius: -facepalm- "Don't answer that."

Harry: "Gladly."

A noise: -is heard-

Harry: "OMG get outta here Sirius!"

Sirius: -goes-

Ron: -wakes up- -goes down stairs-

Ron's Pajamas: -are too short-

Harry: "Go to sleep loser."

Ron:. "..Ok." -turns- "I HATE YOU YOU'RE A SELFISH GIT!"

Harry: -chucks a 'POTTER STINKS' badge-

POTTER STINKS Badge: -attacks Ron- "DI-IEEE!"

Ron: -claps hands over ears- "FRIGGIN INANIMATE OBJECTS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK!"

POTTER STINKS badge: "My apologies." -clatters to ground-

Ron: -recovering from shock- "Despite my sudden spaz attack, that does not diminish the effect of this

exit!"

Harry: "Studying theater now are we you bloody git!"

Ron: "GRRRR!"

Harry: "GRRRR!"

Ron & Harry: -clash-

_**Courtyard**_

Harry:  (to Ron) "Hey."

Ron: -ignore-

Harry: "WTF! Im trying to be all friendly and brave and bold and make ammends!"

Ron: -ignore-

Harry: -poke poke-

Ron: -smack- -walks away-

Harry: -is stunned-

Cedric: -is surrounded by girls…as usual-

Harry: "Erm…can we talk?"

Cedric's Friends: "POTTER STINKS!"

Harry: "Seriousl-"

Cedric's Friends: "POTTER STINKS!"

Cedric: -laughs- "Now, dont you believe me when I say that I'm sorry since I've laughed so cruelly in your

very presence?"

Harry: "...yes?"

Cedric: "OK then…what is it?"

Harry: hushed whisper- "Dragons."

Cedric: "What?"

Harry: "The first task is dragons."

Cedric: "What?"

Harry: "DRA-You really are just a pretty boy aren't you?"

Cedric: -hesitates- -nods-

Cedric Fans: -mutter- "EEEEVIIIL!"

Writers: "SHUT UUUUUP!"

Harry: -facepalm- -walks away-

Malfoy: -pops out from behind a random tree-

Cronies: "POTTER STINKS!"

Malfoy: "Where's Weasel?"

Harry: -ignore-

Malfoy: "Seriously…where's your girlfriend?"

Harry: -ignore-

Malfoy: "Oh no you dont!" -takes out wand-

Harry: "Outta my way."

Moody: "I ferret you!"

Harry: "Say wha?"

Malfoy: -is a ferret-

Harry: LMAO

Malfoy: -is bounced-

Malfoy Fans: "Oh dear!"

Writers: -glare- "Really…what is your problem!"

Dumbledore: -walks by, seemingly doesn't care-

McGonagall: -is petrified- "MOODY! WTF!"

Moody: "Hehe…teaching…"

McGonagall: "NO!" -makes Malfoy a cute blond bloody git again- -mutters- "Not that I haven't wanted to

transfigure you myself a few times!"

Harry & Moody: "Damn…"

Malfoy: -runs away crying for Daddy and screaming like a little girl-

_**Moody's Officy Thing**_

Moody's Leg: -clunks-

Moody: "That was a good thing you just did Potter."

Harry: "MUST everyone call me POTTER? I have a name you know!"

Moody: -ignore-

Harry: -pouts-

Moody: "Have ANY idea what you're doing in the first task? _Potter?"_

Harry ((Potter! Hehe)): "Well actually….I do have…."-pouts- "No."

Moody: -facepalm- "Of course not. Just get what you need."

Harry: "Ok. And….what do I need?"

Moody: "Play to your strengths!"

Harry: "Check. My strenghts…which are?"

Moody: -facepalm- "I GIVE UP!"

_**The First Task…((dramatic music))**_

Dragon: "ROAR!"

Everybody: **O.O** "AAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Diggory: -faint-

Krum: -steps aside-

Diggory's Body: "THUD!"

Fleur: …

Harry: -facepalm-

Madame Pomfrey: "Oh not again…"

Tent Flap: -opens-

Hermione: -whispers/squeaks- "HARRY!"

Random Obsessive Audience Member #135: "But she wasn't…in there…in…the book DAMN YOU ALL

GET IT RIGHT!"

Writers: "Shall we?" -nod nod- "DI-IEEE!" -bludgeon-

Harry: "Yeees?"

Hermione:…-tackle-

Harry:….

Rita Skeeter: "Oh lovely! How I do love butting in!"

Photographer: -snap snap snap-

Harry & Hermione: "WTF!" -separate-

Rita & Photographer: -ignore- -laugh-

Krum: **O.O** -is shocked- "Ze Briteesh are veerd…"

Writer No. 1: "So true."

Writer No. 2: "But my mum's from Britain!" -glare-

Diggory: -wakes up-

Important Dude in Bowler Hat: -to Rita- "Get out you old HAG! Muaha. Anyway moving on." -to everyone

else- "Pick your dragons everyone fun fun stuff!"

Everybody: ….!

Fleur: -picks-

Mini Welsh Green: -is picked- -breathes miniature fire-

Fleur: -turns white-

Krum: -picks-

Chinese Fire-ball: -is picked- -walks around on his hand-

Krum: -scowl-

Diggory: -picks- -trembles-

Swedish Shortsnout: -is picked- -smiles at Cedric-"Hey hot stuff!"

Diggory: -faint…again-

Harry: -tremble- -picks-

Hungarian Horntail: -is picked- -bites…HARD-

Harry: -shakes hand-

Hungarian Horntail: -goes flying across room & hits Diggory-

Diggory: -wakes up- -faints again-

Harry: "Snap! Wake up you!"

Diggory: -is still dead-

Bell: -rings-

Krum: -leaves-

Crowd: -gasp- "OOH! AAAH! OH! NO! YAAAAY! AW! -gasp- FINALLY!"

Tented People: -pace-

Bell: -rings-

Fleur: -leaves-

Crowd: "AAAAAAAAAH! OMG! WTF! NO! The OTHER way! Hoor-WHAT! Oooh….YAY -clap-

Bell: -rings-

Diggory: -wakes up- -twitches- -leaves-

Crowd: "NO! NOT HIS FACE!"((oh wait…that was only Malfoy…))

REAL Crowd: -horrified gasp-

Girls in Real Crowd: "NOO! The horror! But he's so PRETTY!"-sob- -drool-

Crowd: -cheers-

Dragon: "MY BABY!"

Crowd: "WTF! It TALKS!"

Ron: "NOOO! It's not SUPPOSED to do that!"-faints-

Hermione:..-kick-

Ron: -squeal-

Bell: -rings-

Harry: -gulps, pauses for dramatic effect, and then steps out into the blinding sunlight to meet his doom-

Dragon: ROAR -fly- -swishes horned tail (so that's why it's named that! -gasp-)- "I KEEL YOU!"

Harry: "It TALKS!"

Crowd in Unison: "YEP!"

Harry: -turns to crowd- -makes helpless/WTF gesture-

Dragon: "Um…hello? I'm right here."

Harry: "Right…can I have your egg?"

Dragon: "Sure."

Harry: "Reaaly?"

Dragon: "Of course not you dolt!"!

Obsessed Audience Member #28: "Who knew dragons were so articulate?"

Rest of Obsessed Audience Members: " SHAT-TUP!"

Writers: "Thanks."

Dragon: -swoops- -breathe LIFE-SIZE fire-

Harry: "Oh shit…"

Harry's Wand: -poof-

Harry's Firebolt: -flies-

Harry: " THATS what he meant by my strengths!"

Crowd, Real And Fictional: -facepalm-

Moody: "Ugh."

Harry: -flies on broom-

Broom: "WHEEEEE!"-swooosh-

Hogwarts: -is crashed into by a freak on a broomstick and a gigantic dragon- "WTF?"

Harry & Dragon: "SORRY!"

Dragon: "But I want to KEEL you!"

Harry: -falls dramatically…again-

Crowd: -gasp!- "Well this has never happened before!"

Harry: -saves himself predictably- "HAHA!"

Dragon: "DI-EEEEE!"

Harry: -dives-

Dragon: "NOT DIVE! DIE!"

Egg: "MOMMY!-is grabbed-

Harry: "Oh YEAH! WHAT NOW SON?"

Dragon:…-breathes fire-

Harry: " THAT…riiight"-is burned- "OW THAT FRIGGIN HURT!"

Dragon:. "Im sorry. That was supposed to TICKLE!"

Harry: "REALLY?"

Dragon: -face…er…facepaw….or maybe snoutpaw?…- -is captured-

Egg: "Mama?"

Harry: "Oh great."

_**Fantstically Decorated Common Room. PARTAAAAY!**_

Fred & George: "Best. Flying. EVER."

Harry: "Well…not really…"

Fred: "Yeah."

George: "You're right."

Hermione: -shoves Ron towards Harry-

Ron:…

Harry:…

Ron:…

Harry:…

Hermione: SPEAK!"

Harry & Ron: "'Lo."

Hermione: -facepalm- "Im outta here."

Fred & George: "No way. This should be interesting!"

Hermione: -glare- -drag-

Fred & George:…"Well…this sucks."

Ron: "You erm…did pretty good."

Harry: "Thanks I think…"

Ron: "Look! CREAM PUFFS!"

Harry: "Okay then."

Everybody: -party-

Gryffindor Students: -lift Harry onto their shoulders so he can like shout to everybody and be teenage-ish

and crap-

Seamus: "OPEN THE EGG!"

Harry: "You want me to open it?"

Everyone: "YEAH!"

Harry: "Really?"

Everyone: "YEAH!"

Harry: "Really REALLY REALLY?"

Everyone:…

Neville: "YEAH!"

Harry:…"Okay then…"

Egg: -is opened-

Screech: -is heard-

Everyone: "CLOSE IT!"

Harry: "You want me to close it?"

Everyone, Including Neville: "YES DAMMIT!"

Harry: "Real-"

Everyone: "YES!"

Egg: -is shut-

Everyone: "Wow."

Neville: -collapses-"It was someone being tortured!"

Harry: "It wasn't. You're just paranoid since your par-"

Neville: **OO**

Harry: "Parrot died?"

Neville: "That works."

_**BALL TIME!**_

Professor McGonagall: "Right. Girls - over there. Boys - over there. Anyhoo. Ball in a month, be there or

be a rhombus!

Everyone: -is frightened- ...

Ron: -raises hand- "What's a rhombus?"

McGonagall: "Nnnghh...right, for your SHEER STUPIDITY you must come and dance with me to show all

these poor uncultured souls how to dance properly!"

Fred & George: **O.O** "THIS IS WHAT WEVE BEEN WAITING FOR! LMAO"

McGonagall: "Right. I put my hand on your shoulder, we hold hands, you put your other hand on my

waist."

Ron: -faints-

McGonagall: "Oh for the love of God, Weasley!"

Everyone: -stunned pause- LMAO

Hermione: -runs down from the benches and slaps Ron (hard, several times) until he wakes up-

Ron: "Gerroff! Gerrof! Im awake!"-sees MacGonagall- "OMG I wasnt dreaming..."-faints-

McGonagall: -facepalm- -shrugs and begins dancing with Ron's lifeless form because, dangit, she needs to

demonstrate how these loons should be dancing!-

Everyone: -backs away slowly-

McGonagall: "Oh come off it, would you? Just dance with each other, you stupid simpering students!"

Random Student: "Awesome! Alliteration!"

Rest of Students: -awkward looks- "Loser…"

MacGonagall: "Now you must all find a date for the dance. Good luck Weasley…"

Ron: -cries-

MacGonagall: -facepalm-

_**The Little Study Hall Type Thing**_

Harry: -sign language-

Ron: -sign language-

Harry: -sign-

Hermione: "Oh come off it! Snape's way over there!"

Snape: -hears name- " Hm?"

Everyone: -hurries back to work-

Snape: -shruggeth-

Fred: -whispers furiously-" OY RON!" (Didn't that sound like a whisper?)

Ron: "Henh?"

Snape: -smack-

Ron: "OW."

Fred, George, Harry, & Hermione: -snicker snicker-

Snape: -goes down line-

Book in Snape's Hand: "WHAM! WHAM!" -abuses students-

Hermione: "Erm…Professor…that's…illegal, right?"

Snape: -smack-WHAM- "Not in this cla…SCHOOL!"

Hermione: -whimper-

Snape: -walks away arrogantly-

Ron: "But SERIOUSLY how do we get dates?"

Harry: -nods-

Hermione: -eye roll-

Fred: Watch. -whisper-yell- "ANGELINA!"

Angelina: -looks up, confused-

Fred: -motion motion motion that is somehow interpreted as asking her out-

Angelina: -nod nod smile giggle-

Ron & Harry:….

Fred: -smug expression- "Like that."

Ron & Harry:….

Fred & George: -facepalm- "Is it REALLY that hard?"

Snape's book: "WHAM!"

Fred & George's heads: -collide-

George: "OWW…Son of a bi-"

Fred: "Sonofa bi-"

Book: "WHAM!"

Fred & George: -pass out-

Ron & Harry: -stand- -check to see if they're okay-

Hermione: -motion motion- "Erm…Sn-"

Snape: -rolls up sleeves-

Harry & Ron: -gesture confusion to Hermione-

Hermione: "Oh dear…"

Snape: -grabs offending necks- -proceeds to wring them-

Ron & Harry: "OW! OW! OOOOOOW!"

Snape: -smug chortle- -walks away-

Harry: -rubs neck- "So THAT'S what you were signing…"

Hermione: -nod-

Ron: -whimper-

Fred & George: -moan-

Everyone: -goes back to work with varying levels of exasperation and degrees of pain-

Lightbulb: -appears over Ron's head-

Snape: -crushes lightbulb savagely-

Hermine: "Nnghgh…" -is a girl-

Ron: -picks himself up off the floor- "YOU'RE A GIRL."

Hermione: "Good job, Ron."

Ron: "So…"-deep voice- "How you doin'?"

Hermione: -twitch twitch- "Oh. My. God." -leaves-

Harry: -snort- "Well that went well."

Ron: "Shutup…"

Snape: -rolls up sleeves oncemore- -grabs heads-

Heads: "THONK!" -are knocked together-

Harry & Ron: -pass out as well-

Dumbledore: -passes by- Aw. Severus allows naps. Charming. There's no WAY he could POSSIBLY be a

Death Eater. -continues on his way-

_**Random Hallway Leading into Courtyard:**_

Harry: " We've just got to do it."

Obsessive Audience Members: "But that's…Ron's…line…?"

Writer's: "Honestly. How many times are we going to have to call security? Shut….UP!"

Obsessive Audience Members: "MEEP!"

Ron: "Do what?"

Harry: "Get a date….you know…for the ball…?"

Ron: "What ball?"

Fleur: -walks by-

Ron: "Oh THAT one….riiiight"

Harry: "Um yeah. Let's agree. By dinner, we'll both have dates."

Ron: -stares soppily at Fleur- "Yeah sure whatever."

Hands: -shake-

_**Owlery:**_

Harry: -walks up steps-

Steps: "OW!"

Ron: ((In the distance)) -screams- "INANIMATE OBJECTS SHOULDN'T TALK!" -twitcheth-

Harry: -thinks he hears something- -shrugs-

Harry & Cho: -collide-

Cho: "Oh um….hi…."

Harry: -proceeds to babble like an idiot-

Cho: -smiles and nods while slowly backing away-

Harry: -ends babbling in what sounds like a question-

Cho: "Uh…what? I don't speak boy…did Snape finally slip you a Babbling Beverage like he always

threatened?"

Harry: "Wannagobalwime?"

Cho: "ARTICULATE for God's sake!"

Harry: "Would you like to go to the ball with me?"

Cho: -acts all apologetic- "I'm sorry. Our love can never be. At least for now. I'm going with Cedric

Diggory."

Harry: "Alrighty then. Bye!" -leaves-

Cho: -slips in owl dung-

Harry/Hermione/Ginny Shippers: "YAY!"

Harry/Cho Shippers: "Oh shutup you foul little gits!"

Writers: "Yes REALLY! God! What book are you people reading anyway?"

_**Second Task Time! Some Huge Dock In The Middle of the Lake That Appeared Overnight:**_

Champions: -gulp-

Harry: -munches on gillyweed- "Not bad. Kinda like sushi really…"

Fleur: "Eet looks lek eh snail."

Harry: "Oh…thanks…and I'm supposed to swallow this now?" -shakes head- -swallows- -shudders-

Bell: -rings-

Three Champions: -dive in-

Harry: -pauses for dramatic effect while gills appear on his neck- -falls dramatically into the water- -swim-

Grindylows: -maniacal laughter- "ATTACK!"

Harry: "Oh shit…."

Wand: -is waved-

Grindylows: -are singed- "OW! OWOWOWOWOW! And they wonder why we attack them?"

Harry: "Oh look! Evil-looking merpeople with spears…LETS SWIM TOWARDS THEM!"

Evil -Looking Merpeople With Spears: "Good idea!" -continue to sing creepy song-

Harry: -swim swim swim-

Hermione, Cho, Ron, and some Blond Chick: -are bound to a large rock-

Harry: "Damnit now which one's mine? I know everyone tied to this thing…except that blond chick."

Nobody: -knows-

Harry: "Gimme your spear!"

Merdude: "No."

Harry: "Yes."

Merdude: "No."

Harry: -pulls out wand-

Wand: -is pointed at merdude-

Merdude: "Cool. Now we both have pointed sticks."

Harry: "Oh forget it".-picks up pointy rock-

Pointy Rock: "Wait…what?" "Where are we going might I ask?"

Harry: -slashes at Ron's ropes-

Bubble: -comes out of Ron's mouth-

Harry: "Oh nice. At least he didn't far-"

Bubble: "Heh guess where this one came from…"

Cedric: -grabs Cho and goes-

Krum: -swims up with a shark head-

Harry: -practically shits himself before realizing who it was-

Krum: -almost bites Hermione in half while trying to bite through the rope-

Harry: -punch- -gives rock-

Krum: -shrug- -takes rock- -takes Hermione & swims away-

Harry: "Oh. My. God." -cuts bonds of the rest of the people-

Merpeople: "No."

Harry: "My aren't you articulate."

Merpeople: "No."

Harry: -facepalm- -drags Blond Chick and Ron to the surface- -struggles dramatically as gills go away-

-nearly drowns- -ties for first place anyway for being a total prick-

_**Inside The Tent:**_

Champions: -shiver-

Ron & Hermione: -chastise Harry for being such a prick-

Harry: "You two still want to pick a fight. I'm just happy you're alive!"

Hermione: -facepalm-

Ron: "I had the weirdest dream…I was..underwater…"

Harry & Hermione: -facepalm-

Krum: -is jealous- -steals Hermione- -asks her to the ball quietly and with a funny accent-

Rita Skeeter: -is an annoying bug in Hermione's hair- -listens- -is a prick-

Fleur: -runs over to Harry dragging the little blond chick- "Yew sehved er! Yew sehved my seester!"

Harry: "Er…okay…."

Fleur: -kiss-

Harry: -blink-

Ron: "I helped…"

Fleur: -stare- -walks away-

Ron: -pouts-

_**Gryffindor Common Room:**_

Ron: -pouts-

Crowd: -is surrounding Ron-

Weasley Twins: -rolling on the floor laughing hysterically-

Harry: "What'd he do this time?"

Fred: "He just….he just…."-bursts into raucous laughter-

George: "He just….just asked…."-collapses, pounding floor with fist-

Ginny: "He just asked Fleur Delacour to the Yule Ball."

Hermione: "Hmph."

Harry: "Idiot…."

Hermione: -gasp- -glare-

Harry: "Not YOU! HIM! She's part veela."

Ron: "Thanks for the heads up. It's really nice to know you've got my back."

Harry: "You're…welcome…?"

Hermione: -facepalm-

Ron: "Well you have a date then?"

Harry: -shakes head-

Ron: -deep voice- "How bout you Hermione?"

Hermione: -looks timid- -blushes- "Yes actually."

Ron: "No really."

Hermione: -glare-

Ron: "WHAT? You could go with one of us." -secretly hopes she picks him-

Hermione: "I already have a date. Thank you. Good night." -storms off, shoving past Ron angrily-

Ron: "Did I say something?"

Everyone: -facepalm-

The aforementioned length of approximately twenty minutes is subject to change based upon reading level and basic comprehension as well as your ability to follow such an incredibly random plot.


	2. Chapter 2

**Random Hogwarts Hallway:**

Harry and Ron: -walk-

Parvati and Padma: -walk- -seem attached at the hip-

Ron: -doesn't notice pretty twins- -finds a knut- "SHINY!"

Harry: "Hmm..they're the only ones left without dates AND they come in a pair. Convenient."

Ron: "Hehehe shiny."

Harry: -puffs out chest- "Heeey Padmaparvati." -totally can't tell them apart-

Parvati and Padma: -don't notice or don't care about his inability to differentiate- -giggle- "Hiya Harry."

Obsessive Audience Members: "FINALLY they get something right!"

Writers: "We'll fuck it up further in a moment or two no worries. Now stop interrupting!"

Ron: "I like knuts yes I do!"

Writer #1: -giggle- "Ooooh bad pun..."

Writer #2: -kersmack-

Knut: "Hey um...dud...would you mind not fondling me? It's a bit awkward..."

Ron: "WHY ARE YOU TALKING?????"

Padma and Parvati: -turn to Harry- "Yes we'll go with you two."

Parvati: -whispers to Padma- "We'll draw straws for Ron."

Padma: "Alright."

Twins: -secretly draw straws in a corner-

Harry: "Girls are so weird..."

Straws: -are drawn-

Padma: "Dammit I got the short one. I guess Ron's mine."

Parvati: -laughs hysterically- "Alright Harry, I'm yours." -throws herself at Harry-

Harry: "Woot!"

Ron: -realizes what's going on- -looks at Padma expectantly-

Padma: "No. Fkking. Way."

Ron: -sulks- -looks down at knut- "You'll still talk to me, right?"

Knut: -is silent-

Ron: "DAMN YOU!" -throws knut-

Knut: "Huzzah!" -flies-

Padma and Parvati: "Did that knut just...?"

Ron: **TT**

Harry: "Don't ask." -drags a distraught Ron- "See ya girls!"

Ron: -waves feebly-

Padma and Parvati: "Are we going to regret this?"

Harry: -shrug- -drags Ron- "Not really my problem."

Girls: ...

**_Gryffindor- Boy's Dormitories_**:

Harry: -adjust bow tie- "This is so weird...I've never worn anything this nice...the Dursleys only gave me my elephant cousin's old clothes..." -admires self in mirror-

Ron: "Shut it Narcissus!" -looks at self in mirror- -gags- "I'm all...LACEY!"

Harry: -turn- -gasp- -hides it as a cough- "Erm...no...no it's um...nice..."

Ron: -whines- "I smell like my aauuuunt!"

Harry: "I'll have to take your word on that one."

Ron's Dress Robes: "No for serious he does."

Ron: ...

Harry: "WTF no convulsions?"

Ron: "I'm getting used to it."

Harry: "Ah." -admires self further- "Shall we then?"

Ron: "Quit acting like a fkking peacock, okay? You already get all the girls."

Harry: -thinks of Cho- "LIES!"

Ron: "Let's just go already...I want to get this over with."

Harry: "Alright let's go."

Ron and Harry: -leave room-

Harry: -runs back for one final look at himself-

Mirror: "Oh for God's sake...I'm getting tired of looking at you."

Harry: -pouts- "Fi-iiiine." -leaves for real-

**_The Great Hall All Ready For the Yule Ball ((ahaha rhyming!))_**

Everyone: -stands at the base of the stairs as if waiting for something remarkable-

Parvati: "Hello Harry!" -pouncerape-

Harry: "Egads!"

Ron: "Oh quit complaining." -glances at Padma-

Padma: -disgruntled- -ignore- -signs "Help me!" to everyone who passes-

Everyone Who Passes: -giggle giggle- -ignore-

Hermione: -descends-

Parvati: "She's so pretty!" -shock-

Harry: -thinks she's talking about Cho- "Yeppers. Hot stuff."

Hermione: -looks at Harry- "WTF?"

Harry: "Hm?" -totally plays it off-

Ron: -jaw drop-

Jaw: "Heeey! Watch it!"

Ron: -tries to think of a compliment for Hermione- -doesn't know where to start-

Hermione: -oh so uncharacteristically girly giggle-

Ron and Harry: "Where did that come from?"

Ron's Jaw: "Who knows? Now can someone pick me up?"

Ron: "Oh right." -scoop-

Padma: -gag-

McGonagall: "Alright, champions and their dates will now lead the dance. Come on, um...step lively...have f-fu-f-" -stumbles over the word "fun"-

Dumbledore: -high disco-y voice- "Everybody dance now!"

Writers: "Oooh pop culture reference!" -high five-

Harry: "Oooh great...embarassment time..." -nudges Parvati- "Shall w-"

Parvati: -drags Harry to the dance floor- -dancerape-

Obsessive Audience Member #61: "Is that even possible?"

Writers: "Yes." -nightstick-

Champions: -dance- -teen awkwardness-

Ron: "My date hates me and my ideal girl is dating...HOMIGODNOWAI!" -realizes who Hermione is dancing on-

Krum: "Hehehehe...I am dancing vith zee pritty smaht guhl!"

Hermione: "I'm dancing with the famous Quidditch player!"

Ron: "No one love meeee!" -emo kid things-

Padma: -sneaks off with older guy- "Thank GOD."

Dance: -occurs-

Random Music: -is played-

Dirty Dancing: -commences-

Hermione: -flops next to Ron- "Hot isn't it?"

Ron: "Is that an innuendo?"

Hermione: -ignores-

Harry: -tries to break awkward silence- "Who wants a drink?"

Hermione: "No thanks. Viktor just gave me a drink."

Ron: "Is that what they're calling it now?"

Hermione: -shocked- "Ron you are such a jealous pervert!" -storms away indignantly-

Obsessive Audience Member #12: "But...that didn't...what?"

Writers: "Oh do shut up!!!! This is our version. Comedic license to totally ruin something with jokes."

Obsessive Audience Member #12: "Whatevs."

Writer #1: "Damn straight."

Harry: "Well this has been sufficiently awkward. I'm out."

Parvati: Awww...why?" -cling-

Harry: "Because quite frankly you scare me and I never wanted to go with you anyway." -stares soppily at Cho who dances with Cedric all lovey-dovey-

Parvati: "You're a monster! How dare you!"

Harry: -ignore- -detaches himself from her- -returns to dorm-

Hermione: -sits on stairs crying-

Harry: -feels awkward- -passes-

Ron: -feels awkward- -follows-

Hermione: -screams- "GO TO BED!"

Harry and Ron: -run-

All for now. Keep checking back! We update randomly!


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